The Land of the Broken
by Palo112
Summary: Four years ago my brother died and with him my world. Realistic AU about learning and healing. Rotating viewpoints for Denzel, Cloud, Tifa, and Marlene.
1. The Hand of God

**Let's make this clear, I don't own Final Fantasy or any of the characters and I never will. This means all the chapters of this story.**

Prologue

The Hand of God

Heart Attack American - The Bronx

It was nighttime, cool and pitch black. In the distance a medium sized city lit the sky but the light didn't reach this far. The countryside was dark, almost forbidding in its silence. A country road wound through the hills, bordered on both sides by fields and small groups of trees.

With a woosh the silence was broken. A thin silver sedan sped along the road, windows down and loud angry music blaring. In the car were three boys right on the verge of becoming men.

The driver: a tall individual with long silver hair and a cold expression on his face. The front seat passenger: a grinning friendly guy with black spiky hair and dark blue eyes. In the back: a boy, younger than the other two, sprawled across the back seat with his head leaned against the car door. His blond spiky hair was blown flat by the speed of the car and his blue eyes seemed to focus on nothing.

"Man, he is really drunk." The passenger laughed, his eyes sparkling at the boy in the back seat.

"If he throws up in my car you are a dead man." Growled the driver.

""Yeah, sure." The passenger turned forward in his seat and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why'd you have to bring your brother anyway?"

"He asked, besides he's old enough to take care of himself."

"Oh yes, and that's why we're leaving the biggest party in months before it's even midnight."

"I'm sorry okay," The dark blue eyes rolled. "Once I make sure he's okay we can go back."

The driver shook his head in anger. "You can play babysitter if you want to, I'll go back by myself."

"Zack... Zack." The boy in the back whispered and pulled himself up gripping the back of the passenger's seat and digging his nails in. "Fire, Zack!"

"Fire, where?" The car jerked slightly as the driver jumped, glancing in the rearview mirror.

"There's no fire." The passenger's eyes shot a glare at his friend then turned to the boy and grabbed him by one shoulder. "Cloud, come on man, it's okay. We're taking you home."

"Fire Zack, Fire." The blond shouted shaking the seat. "Fire everywhere."

"Calm down." The passenger shushed him calmly. "There's no fire Bro."

"Shut the fuck up and sit down kid." The driver snapped, anger practically rolling off of him.

"Fire." The blond whispered again before his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped back onto the seat.

"Man, Mom's going to kill me." The passenger watched his brother worriedly. "I don't think he's just drunk. Did you see him do anything?"

The driver shrugged, "No, but I know someone was passing around LSD."

"Shit, maybe we should take him to the hospital."

"To hell with that, just dump him on the lawn. He'll be fine."

The passenger glared at the other man. "Seph, you're my best friend and all, but what the hell is your problem with my little brother."

The driver frowned. "You're the one who wanted to bring him."

"Yeah, and what about that time last year when he got beat up?" Blue eyes flared in anger at the silver haired man. "You watched for like fifteen minutes and didn't do a damn thing."

"He should be able to take care of himself."

"There were five of them."

"Hell with this," The driver laughed coldly. "He's not my responsibility. You want to babysit him go ahead, it's got nothing to do with me."

"I don't know why I'm even friends with you. You're just a stupid selfish son of a bitch."

"Don't you dare insult Mother." The driver shouted gripping the wheel with white knuckles and pressing the gas pedal to the floor.

"Oh Yeah, and why not? She is a bitch." The passenger shouted back. "As long as she's got booze and boy toys she wouldn't care if you were dead."

Without a word the driver jerked the wheel, sending the car off the road. Dust flew as the car bowled over an empty field. "Don't you say a word about Mother!"

The passenger grabbed the door handle and held on tight. "What the hell are you doing? Sephiroth STOP!"

The driver jerked the wheel again but this time the soft dirt didn't hold enough friction. With a squealing sound the car slid sideways and ran itself through a fence. One solitary fence post came flying through the air and through the back window impaling the boy in the back through one shoulder. Screaming filled the car as both passengers held on for dear life.

The driver swung the steering wheel back and forth and laughed maliciously, still flooring the gas pedal. The car squealed in protest but continued to barrel into the trees.

"Cloud, Cloud!" The passenger screamed and struggled against the motion of the car to get to the boy in back. "Come on Bro."

Branches whipped at the car as it narrowly avoided a tree, sending dirt, leaves and branches in the open windows. The tires hit a hummock in the ground that made the passenger slam his head against the roof and slump over in his seat.

With almost bone crunching force the car side swiped another tree. The front end spun around, caught on a stump and flipped.

Dust settled and the car rocked slightly on its roof. Silence fell. In the back, the blond blinked and opened his eyes. Then screaming, vicious and raw, rose into the night.

* * *

Intervention - Arcade Fire

When I was eleven I woke up one saturday morning at six to watch cartoons and found my mom sitting on the floor in the living room crying silently with the telephone receiver in her hands. Her face was blank and silent tears were running from her eyes.

Both my older brothers had been in a car accident. They had gone to a party the previous night with Zack's best friend Sephiroth. Sometime between ten and midnight Sephiroth had gone off the road and flipped his car. He was drunk, they all were.

Zack was dead long before anybody got there. Cloud was alive but in critical condition. Sephiroth got off with a knock to the head and some glass lodged in his skin, but nothing serious.

Mom and I rushed to the hospital. Well, I did at least. Mom had shut down almost completely. I had to drag her there on the buses. By the time we got there Cloud was out of surgery but they weren't sure he was going to pull through. Somehow he had gotten a metal fence post through the shoulder. With mom as shut down as she was, I had to identify Zack's body and get the updates on Cloud.

We wouldn't have survived if it weren't for our neighbors the Lockhearts. It was just Tifa and her dad but they were amazing. Tifa took care of Mom and Mr. Lockheart helped me make the funeral arrangements for Zack.

The worst wasn't over yet, though. Cloud balanced out and survived but something in him snapped. When the blood tests came back we found out that not only was he drunk, but he was on a cocktail of drugs that would scare even the most hardcore junkie. Whatever they did to him, combined with the trauma of the accident, sent him off the deep end. He went catatonic for a long time. But if you touched him then he totally freaked out. The first time we found out about this was when a nurse tried to switch out his IV and he broke her arm. So he ended getting thrown straight from the recovery ward into a Psychiatric Hospital and has been in one ever since.

More than a month after mom still hadn't come back. I was working hard to keep us fed and to take care of her but I couldn't do it by myself. It was the Lockhearts that saved us again. They took turns helping me with Mom, buying groceries and cooking meals for us. They were amazingly patient, especially when the checks I had mom sign to pay them back for everything started to bounce. And once those bouncing checks added up and we could no longer keep the house they took us into theirs.

There was also Aerith. She had been Zack's girlfriend when he died. She helped me clean and pay bills until we couldn't any more. She offered emotional support that I couldn't get elsewhere.

At first I hated seeing Tifa and Aerith, hated that they were taking care of me. Both of them reminded me of my brothers. Aerith because she had been Zack's girlfriend and Tifa because Cloud had a thing for her since he was like ten. But having them there was the greatest gift I could ever ask for. We were companions in sorrow and without their support I might have ended up the same place as Cloud.

The hardest part for me was dealing with Mom. Sometimes she refused to believe that Zack was dead or that Cloud was crazy. For the first year, I would come downstairs for school and find three lunches on the table instead of one. These ended up being whatever she grabbed first, such as an unopened can of green beans and a stack of saltines. She did regular mom stuff but without any link to reality. Like telling me it was time for bed in the middle of the afternoon or washing my clothes with dish soap.

As for me, I was angry. I bottled everything up until I was about to burst, then I did. Mom was the one that usually caught the brunt of my anger, although Tifa or her dad got it more often than I would like to admit. I felt abandoned; of all my family I was the only one who held it together when Zack died. The only one that even tried to cope.

At first I wanted to hate Zack, part of me still does. He was the strong one, the one that held us together. When he died everything fell apart. I would have thought he was smarter than to let a drunk drive him home but he wasn't and it killed him.

It's been four years since the accident. Life goes on, things have balanced out. Mom came back to reality eventually and now she works part time at a diner. Tifa graduated and got a job but she still lives at home. Mr. Lockheart supports us and gives me driving lessons when he can spare the time. I, well I spend my time reading or drawing. There's school as well but I don't really care about it. Mostly I just spend too much time wishing I had my brothers back.

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**So yeah, new story. It kinda grabbed my by the throat and throttled me 'til I wrote it.**

**I haven't given up on Mako Special. I posted a new chapter three days ago so it's not like I'm not working on it. This is an attempt to write something just as compelling but much shorter. Hopefully about 20 chapters.**

**A big thanks to my Beta Readers: Holy Wolf, BananaPeaceMonkeyKarmi, my mum and my best friend myousa(neither of them are on fanfic, but oh well). They are freaking awesome!**

**Like Mako Special each chapter has a theme song(two in this one) and that's what the thing under the title is. Not important for you readers but it means something to me. Also lyrics probably have nothing to do with the chapter. My brain makes associations on atmosphere not what the song is actually about.**

**Anyway, next chapter will be coming as soon as I finish editing it. I'm going to try to update one of the two stories at least once a week, at least until school starts again.**

**I like to think somebody actually reads this stuff so reviews are fantastic. Plus they guilt trip me into writing more when I have the time.**

**Thanks all,**

**Palo**


	2. Alone in a Room Full of Friends

Chapter 1

Alone in a Room Full of Friends

My Will is Good - Port O'brien

"Denzel," my mother shouts up the stairs. "Get up. It's time to go visit your brother."

I shake my head and close my book. I'm in the kitchen like I have been since six. I can't sleep past dawn and she never remembers that. It's true she used to have to pry both Zack and Cloud out of bed with a crowbar, but things have changed.

"I'm in here Mom." I call, picking up my cereal bowl and rinsing it. I try to be nice to her about this kind of things. She still has lapses, especially when she's tired. It's not really her fault, but it still hurts.

"Oh." She comes through the doorway and an apologetic smile flashes across her face. "I'm sorry, of course you're already awake. I should have known."

"It's cool, Mom." I shrug. "Are you ready to go?"

"I think so." She digs through her purse. "Wallet, keys, cell phone. I'm ready."

I head for the door, but she pauses. "Maybe I should bring him an orange... They used to be his favorite."

I rub my arm awkwardly. "He won't eat it."

She gives me a pained look then drops her gaze to the floor. "I know... I can hope though."

I kick myself inwardly and give her a hug. This means a lot to her and I'm not being nice about it. "Sorry. If he doesn't eat it I will."

She smiles, but her eyes are still sad. "It's okay, lets go."

We're going to visit Cloud. We do every Sunday and it's another thing that always hurts. Almost all I can do when we're there is think about how we used to be.

We've never been a perfect family, not by a long shot. Mom and Dad got married right out of college and almost immediately after had Zack, then Cloud. I was born a little over six years after that. Poor mom, three boys. I kinda figure I was their attempt to have a girl.

Two years after I was born Dad died. He was an engineer and there was an accident. Someone was lax on safety measures. Someone else told him to do something that he shouldn't have. I was too young to understand. Too young to have many memories. So as far as I'm concerned it's always just been Mom and the three of us. She did well, she had a job yeah, but we were never second priority.

Because Zack and Cloud were so much older I ended up being the annoying younger brother. Tolerated, yes, but always too young to really understand. Cloud was better at tolerating me: he would answer my questions and let me hang out no matter what he was doing, even if he had friends around. Zack was enough older that our lives were like different countries. By the time I was old enough to be coherent, he was in high school and I wasn't even allowed to come downstairs if he had friends over.

They were like night and day. Zack took after dad: loud and boisterous, but with a core of steel. He never thought before he spoke and he never planned. Life was an adventure for him and he always said the best adventures were spontaneous. He had a dozen corny lines like that and at least a hundred groan worthy jokes, but everybody liked it. It was like he sucked people into his wake simply by smiling at them.

I know that Cloud always admired Zack and had a deep desire to be more like our oldest brother, but I always respected Cloud more. He was quiet and thoughtful. Things never blew up around him like they did for Zack. He never had many friends, just a few close ones, and if they didn't tolerate me, they were out. When he had something he wanted to say, he would rehearse it over and over again, until he knew every response possible.

I was pretty close to him, but when the accident happened, we were torn apart. His crash into the realm of the mental instability wiped out everything we had.

"They still haven't taken down the Christmas lights." Mom frowns as we walk up the front steps to the Institution.

When we lost the house, we lost the money to keep Cloud in a private hospital. He got shunted through a few government facilities and ended up here: The Shinra Institute of Psychiatry. It's sort of the lowest of the low, badly funded and most of their patients are right off the street. It's a bona fide nut house, but Mom refuses to believe that.

I shrug but don't say anything. It doesn't surprise me that christmas lights are still up. There are a lot of things that happen here because the patients go round the bend if they don't. I've seen people throw fits because the blinds are more or less than four inches off the windowsill.

We sign the visitors log at the front desk then make our way to the west wing, the high security ward. Cloud's not dangerous, I mean not really, not like some of the patients. But, if someone touches him, he freaks out, and if he can't get away from that touch then he gets violent. His doctor says that he's better off with the security because they have a better chance of protecting him from other people. I've seen the other wards and it makes sense to me. The other wards look like a daycare for adults, this one looks like a prison.

For example, once mom and I get to the west wing we have to present IDs and take visitor passes. After that we get buzzed through three layers of barred doors before we're in the actual ward. Once in the ward there are guards, lots of them. Big guys with radios and nightsticks.

We do this today and as soon as we're through the gates there's a nurse waiting for us. It's Jessie, she's the one who usually tells us what is going on. She's cool, she always remembers my name and she never says bad things about Cloud. Plus, I have to have respect for her, she's the only female nurse in the entire wing.

"Ms. Strife, Denzel, it's good to see you again." She greets us with a smile.

"Hello Jessie." Mom greets her, returning the smile and shaking Jessie's hand. "How has your week been?"

"Pretty quiet."Jessie shrugs and waves for us to follow her. "Cloud should be finishing up his session with Dr. Crescent any minute now. She would like to speak with you privately when he's done."

Mom frowns. It's not often that he's in a session on a Sunday and she always talks to his doctor, but it's usually after we see him. "Is something wrong?"

Jessie shakes her head and laughs a little. "No, everything is fine. The doctor was out of town so this is a make up session."

Mom visibly relaxes. She's always trying to pretend that he's not actually that bad. That he's just staying here because he wants to. She doesn't like to think about him being crazy.

Jessie leads us into the waiting room outside Dr. Crescent's office and we take a seat. Mom fiddles with her purse, I leaf through one of the two year old magazines they keep here, but I'm not really looking at it.

Realistically Cloud has gotten much better over the past four years. The whole touching thing is there, but when he first got here he was catatonic. He functions and responds now, but it's still jilted and short.

His doctor thinks that he's afraid of touch because of the surgery. He was tripping on some pretty serious stuff and because of it they couldn't put him under. They had to strap him to the operating table and do it while he was conscious and still tripping.

The other half of his problem is his memories. Sometimes he'll talk about something like he was the one who did it when he's not, Zack was. If you point out that it wasn't him he'll look confused for a moment then nod his head and agree. It's kinda like sometimes a little switch flips in his head and he thinks he is Zack.

"Ms. Strife, the doctor will see you now." Jessie walks up with Cloud behind her.

"Hello sweetheart." Mom rushes forward at him with her arms outstretched in a hug. He flinches and she checks herself mid motion. Like I said, sometimes it's hard for her to admit that there's something wrong with him. "I'm going to talk to the doctor," She sets her mouth in a hard line, "You boys go do something, I'll find you when I'm done." Then she's gone and so is Jessie. It's just Cloud and me, alone.

"Hey Cloud," I greet him. He won't talk unless prompted, not usually anyway.

"Hey Den," He shuffles his bare feet and stays several feet away from me. I'm occupying the middle seat of a three seat bench so he won't sit down. Not if it means he has to sit next to someone.

"How's your week been?" I ask pretending not to notice his discomfort. Dr. Crescent says it's better to talk to him like you would anyone else. She's pretty strict about us not treating him like a crazy.

"Fine." He answers like it's a final statement. That's normal for him, he almost never offers anything that can prolong the conversation.

I glance at him awkwardly. Usually mom is here to chatter at him. She'll talk for hours about living with the Lockhearts or customers at the diner. I don't think he cares about anything she says, but it means that I don't have to say much. "Anything happen?" I try again.

"No." One word answers again, oh good.

I stare at him in his pale blue hospital pajamas, sans the slippers. In this wing none of the patients are allowed to have personal possessions. The security says that too many things could go wrong so everyone has to wear the same uniform. His hair is a mess of blond spikes. I doubt he's combed it in weeks but then they only just let him start growing it out again so maybe he doesn't realize it needs it. It's probably his eyes that bother me the most. Before they were just eyes, but now, they're like stars of ice.

"Let's take a walk," I take pity on him and volunteer.

He nods and I get up to take the lead. I have to lead because he won't, he'll only follow. He walks about three feet back and a little to the side. Just enough that I have to keep my head at a completely uncomfortable angle to keep him in sight.

By now I know the layout of this place, where we're allowed to wander and where we're not. The common rooms and cafeteria are fine, along with two of the three hallways. The third hallway is solitary confinement, that's where all the really dangerous patients are so it's a good thing we're not allowed to go there. It's a good idea to avoid the offices too, sometimes sessions aren't pleasant and you don't want to be there when something goes wrong.

We're halfway through the common rooms when Cloud finally speaks. "How's mom?"

I think about this before I answer. He was still catatonic when she was at her worst. I don't think he even noticed anything was wrong until I got mad and screamed at him one day.

"She's fine," I shrug. "She tried to get me out of bed like she used to with you and Zack this morning but that's it."

I catch his flinch at Zack's name out of the corner of my eye and get a certain amount of bitter satisfaction out of it. I shouldn't, but I do.

He doesn't respond so I decide to go for gold. "Tifa's doing well. She's got a job at a bar downtown."

It takes me a second to realize that he's stopped walking and I turn to face him. He's staring at the floor and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "She's happy?"

My crazy twenty one year old brother is standing in the middle of the hallway in his ridiculous sky blue pajamas with his hair sticking out at unbelievable angles and asking if his High School crush is happy. I was hoping that mentioning Tifa would get a rise out of him, but I didn't expect this. I can't read his face, but the fact that it's something other than blank is freaking phenomenal.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Oh..." He shuffles his feet and shuts down again. "Good."

I'm still staring at him trying to get more when shouting echoes down the hall. "No, I wont."

A man burst out of one of the rooms further down from us. "I'm already pretty, I'm the prettiest man alive!" He shouts and I stare in consternation. He's huge, not just tall, but wide. Like one of those people that have so many muscles it's grotesque and I can see them all. In fact, I can see damn near everything, all he's wearing is a pair of underwear.

"Mr. Mukki," One of the male nurses follows him into the hall. "You have to take you're medicine."

"I don't need it. I'm too pretty." The man wails and shoves the nurse hard enough to knock him down. "I'm perfect!" He shouts again running into the other wall and punching it hard enough to crack.

I feel a hand an my arm and it almost jerks me off my feet as two giant guards come flying past us. They slam the muscled man into the floor and struggle to hold him down as he fights.

I let out a deep breath and glance up at my brother. His face is set in an angry scowl, wow two expressions in one day. It's then that we both realize that he's still holding my arm. He drops it like it's on fire and plasters himself to the wall in a knee jerk reaction.

Oh hell, Cloud touched me, this is not good. It's been a long time since we last made this mistake, but I can still see the shakes start. I take a couple of steps back and watch him raise his hands to his face. By now all of him is shaking and he starts whispering in a raw and unfamiliar voice. "It's okay... no no no... it's just Den."

I back off even more, it's helped in the past, but his whispering just gets louder. "It's not okay... he's your brother... he was touching me... it's okay."

He's scaring me pretty badly and I'm on my own. Down the hall everybody is still trying to subdue the big man. I start to go for help but before I go more than a few steps he calls out.

"No wait!" I turn back to see him standing normally and grinning. "Don't worry squirt, I'm fine."

My brother is grinning... but it's not him. It's not the half grimace he uses now and it's not the self contained little smile he had before. It's the lopsided half grin that Zack used to have. Damn, sometimes he slips into Zack, but I have never seen that grin on his face.

"Come on, let's go back." He waves the grin still there.

Normally I would remind him that he's acting like Zack, but right now I'm way too freaked out to say anything.

"It's okay." He takes a few steps towards me.

It takes a lot of will power to keep myself in place until he catches up but I do. He settles in the same place as normal, a few feet behind and to the side.

"Yeah," I force myself to say and try to keep my voice steady. "Let's find mom."

The grin drops and the usual blank face settles back across his features. I don't wait to see more, right now I don't want to know which brother he is in his head. I turn and start walking back to the office without even checking to see if he's following. I don't trust myself not to upset him.

Mom's quiet the whole way back to the house, I don't say much either. She only talked at Cloud for fifteen minutes when we got back. That's pretty short for her, but I didn't object. There's only so long I can stand being in that building.

Neither Cloud nor I mentioned the incident in the hall. I didn't even want to think about it. On one hand, I'm amazed that he actually brought himself to pull me out of the way of the guards, but on the other hand, that was still creepy enough to emphasize that he's freaking nuts.

Once we get home Mom and I part ways. I just want to be alone and I think she does too, because she doesn't object. Tifa offers me some lunch but I just wave it away and go hide in my room.

This eventually leads to the box in my closet. I try to stop myself, but this is one of those things I can never let go of. It will only make things worse, but I still do it. The Box is where I keep mementos, specifically mementos of my brothers. Mom insisted that we box up all their stuff, but these are things I kept.

Right at the top is the last book Cloud recommended to me. He used to read a lot and he was always suggesting one thing or another to me. I never read them, not before the accident. Afterward, I started reading them so he and I would have something to talk about that had nothing to do with Zack. Then I started reading because I liked them.

I never did read this one, I can't bring myself to open it. I sigh and place the book on the floor next to me. I don't know why I'm doing this, it's just depressing and pathetic. I already know everything in this box by heart. There's Zack's baseball glove and the nasty scarred ball he practiced with. A poster from Cloud's room for a band he had liked and I had always hated because all their songs sounded like whining. My favorite action figure which Zack had crushed into oblivion when I accidentally saved over one of his game files. A random rock that I picked up when we were on vacation in Costa Del Sol. The ragged hand me down shirt that had been Zack's favorite, then Cloud's, then mine.

I spread the items around me one by one. They're all things that hurt to think about, but the last one is still in the box. My hand shakes as I pick up the slightly discolored picture. It's not a family portrait, mom has all of those. I close my eyes and the memories of that day rush up like I'm there again.

_"How's it going?" Zack asks sitting down on the couch._

_ "Not bad," Cloud shrugs from his cross-legged seat on the floor. "I beat Castle 3."_

_ I look at my two brothers and smile. This is a group effort. We're trying to beat Super Mario World in as little time as possible._

_ "Nice," Zack leans back and grabs some popcorn from the bowl sitting between he and I. "Better hurry it up though, I've got a date in a couple of hours."_

_ Cloud lets out an unintelligible snort. "Who is it this time?" I can tell he's jealous. He's told me that girls become a lot cooler when you get older. I don't understand what he means, the only girl I know is a spoiled little brat._

_ "Molly," Zack grins. "Same one I went out with last night."_

_ "You mean the girl you were kissing behind the garage?" I pipe up, lulled into a false sense of security._

_ Zack shoots me a glare and Cloud turns to stare at us, while on the TV, Mario is doomed to a unknown death._

_ "You're making out with her behind the garage?" Cloud asks incredulous. "If mom catches you your gonna be in deep shit."_

_ "Shut it munchkin." Zack hisses at me angrily. "Mom's in the next room."_

_ "What?" I ask, not understanding why they don't want Mom to know._

_ Zack smiles in what seems like a kindly way, but I know I'm doomed. "Better keep that to yourself unless you want everyone to know about your little girlfriend."_

_ "I don't have a girlfriend." I protest backing away from him slightly._

_ "Yeah you do." His smile becomes an evil grin. "That girl Tifa babysits, Marlene."_

_ "She's not my girlfriend, she's a brat." I protest a little too forcefully._

_ He smirks._

_ "Don't you dare," I narrow my eyes at him and glare._

_ His mouth opens._

_ "Zack," I try a panicked plea._

_ "DENZEL AND MARLENE SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." He starts to bellow._

_ I feel my face get hot with embarrassment as he continues the song._

_ "FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES A BABY IN THE BAB... oof." His singing is suddenly cut off as I launch myself at him, hitting him in the ribs and sending the popcorn flying all over the room._

_ "Well well, looks like the ankle biter wants to wrestle." He grins and stands up lifting me by one leg. "Should I continue singing?"_

_ Considering that he's seventeen and I'm eight, there's not much I can do. I swing by my ankle and try to land any kind of punch on him. My useless other brother is rolling on the floor laughing at our antics, Super Mario World completely forgotten. _

_ "Oops..." Zack grins and almost drops me. "I'm slipping." Then he starts to swing me back and forth._

_ All of a sudden the room is filled with a bright flash of light and we all freeze._

_ "Don't mind me," Mom smiles at us over the camera. "Keep playing your little game."_

The picture says everything about what we used to be and no longer are. Granted, that wasn't one of the best moments to remember about Zack, but for me, it's one of the most prevalent. Throwing me around and calling me annoying nicknames was just his way.

A drop of water hits the picture. Damn it, I'm almost sixteen I'm not supposed to cry. I'm supposed to be a man. I pile the stuff rapidly back into the box any old how and slam the closet door on it. Then I fling myself on the bed and bury my head under a pillow. This happens every time I do this, I should stop but I tell myself that every time and it never does any good.

At dinner I find myself just pushing my food around the plate. Mom seems subdued too and for the first time I wonder what Dr. Crescent wanted to talk to her about. Tifa's chatting away brightly and pretty obviously avoiding asking questions. Later she'll corner me and ask how Cloud is like she does every week.

Finally Mom gives a resigned sigh and sits up straight. "I have something I have to tell all of you."

"What's up, Madeline?" Mr Lockheart puts his fork down and gives her his attention. Tifa does as well, but I just continue prodding my food.

"Well..." Mom takes a deep breath. "Adam, you know I'm grateful for everything. You've been so supportive to us over the last few years and it's meant a lot to me. But I think it's time for Denzel and me to move out."

My fork makes a tinny clatter as it falls from my hands and there are cries of dismay from both Tifa and Mr. Lockheart.

"No really." She raises her hands to stop the protests already forming. "I've been thinking about it all day and I'm sure it would be for the best."

"How will you afford it?" Tifa asks incredulously.

"It will be tight," She gives me a faint smile. "But I'm sure we can manage. I should be able to go full time at the diner if I ask."

I glare at her, I like having an allowance again. I was looking forward to the possibility of getting a car in the next few months. Now she's telling me that we're going back into poverty?

Protests come from the other two as I stare. I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier. I try to control myself, but I know I'm going to burst soon.

"But Maddy," Mr. Lockheart says over his daughter's words. "What brought this decision on?"

She gives a faint smile and glances at her hands. "I spoke to Dr. Crescent today and the Institute is releasing Cloud."

There is dead silence for a second then Tifa smiles. "That's great!"

I stare at Mom, my mouth hanging open. Then my eyes narrow. That's it, she's doing it again. She's bending over backwards for him and denying me in the process.

"It is great, but why does this mean you have to move out?" Mr. Lockheart asks.

"Cloud isn't entirely stable." Mom sighs, "He's going to need special arrangements and a lot of patience. You've both helped us so much in recent years I just can't ask you to support three of us."

"You know we're happy to help." Tifa protests.

I can't take it anymore. I slam my chair back and stand up grabbing my still full plate.

"Denzel what's wrong?" Mom gives me a worried look.

"So Cloud is getting out?" I ask quietly. They stare but before anyone can say anything words come bursting out of me in a torrent. "When the hell were you going to tell me this?"

"Denzel language." She scolds standing up.

"Screw language!" I shout. "You never even asked me. What if I don't want to move? What if I'm happy here?" I throw my plate back on the table and dash upstairs before they can say anything. To hell with them all.

It's a little after midnight when Tifa brings me some chips and soda. I was expecting her; it's what she does. She's the peace maker. She'll already have spent some time reassuring Mom and now it's my turn.

She watches me silently while I crack the soda and have a few handfuls of chips. I glare at the wall and try to ignore her. I don't want to talk, but I know she'll get me to. She's got a talent for making people talk.

She sighs and leans back so she's laying on the end of my bed with her feet dangling just above the floor. "Do you want him to stay there?"

I glare for a moment but the anger is already draining away. Tifa is one of those rare people that calms everyone else down. It's hard to be angry in her presence.

"No," I answer sullenly. She doesn't speak and the need to fill the silence overwhelms me. "It's just not fair."

"What's not fair?" She asks staring at my celling.

I let out a frustrated sigh and shake my head. "Mom, I mean... I had to do so much to get us to this place, to get us stable..."

"And she did nothing." Tifa finishes for me.

"And she's throwing it away for him." I correct. "I worked so hard and she's willing to give it up just so he can be crazy here instead of there."

"You're a tough kid," She comments mildly. "He needs help more than you do."

"So I get punished for being the only one who held it together?"

"The world isn't always fair Den." She sits up and pulls at the edge of the bed. "It should be, but it isn't."

I stare out the window for a few minutes. I know she's right. It's not like I don't want Cloud to get out. I just want him to get out without Mom doing crazy shit to take care of him.

"I was at that party." TIfa breaks the silence and I stare at her.

"What?" I frown.

"The party Zack and Cloud were at the night of the accident. I was there." She continues staring at her hands. "Pretty much everybody in town was there though. There was this guy, Loz, he spent a lot of time trying to hit on me at school. That night he was following me around, trying to convince me to date him. I was trying to be nice about it, I mean he was a creep, yeah, but I wanted to have a good time. He just kept following me around and being really nice for once, he even went and got me a drink."

She pauses for a second and crosses her arms, gripping each arm by the elbow. I don't know what to say, she's never told me about this before.

"I don't know if I was stupid or just careless, but I was going to drink it. I was raising it to my mouth when Cloud just walked up out of the blue, snatched it out of my hand and slammed the whole thing. I got mad and yelled at him for stealing my drink. We argued for a little and when I looked around again Loz was gone. Then Cloud tripped and fell right into a coffee table." She sighs and shakes her head. "I thought he was drunk, I mean he was acting like it so I got him up and took him outside where he could throw up if he needed to. We were out there for about an hour and he just kept getting worse and worse. About the time he tried to pet my hair was when I went and got Zack. Zack took one look at him and decided that he needed to go home. I helped get Cloud into the car and sat with him until Zack came back with Sephiroth. Then I said goodbye. It was the last time anybody saw him." She sniffs and wipes some faint tears from her eyes.

Is she telling me that they left the party early because of her. Because Cloud was too drunk.

"One of the drugs they found in Cloud's system was Rohyphol," She must have seen my blank look. "Roofies Den, it was a date rape drug. I think it must have come from the drink he stole." She looks at me. "I don't have proof, but I think the other drugs came from that drink too. I wouldn't put it past Loz and I really don't think Cloud did all those willingly." She pauses again and I don't know what to say. They left the party because of her, she's the reason Cloud was/is so messed up. I want to say something, but I don't even know where to start.

"Your brother saved me Den, he saved me and hurt himself badly in the process. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I didn't tell anyone for a long time. When you called me the next day all I could think was that it was my fault. I was scared and still just a kid so I didn't even tell the cops." She's not crying, not really. There are tears in her eyes but they're not falling. "I destroyed your family, I owe you, I owe him. I have to do something."

Her voice fades and I feel full of anger. She could have told me sooner. She could have said anything and it wouldn't have been as bad as this. It's like two different bombs have been dropped on me today: not fair.

"Do you hate me now?" Her voice is soft but choking and I break.

"I don't hate you." I tell her fiercely and wrap my arms around her neck. It's true I don't, how could I hate Tifa? She's damn near raised me for the last four years, she's like my big sister. "It's nobody's fault." I declare squeezing her tighter. "It's just one stupid thing on top of another. You made a mistake, but so did everyone else. Cloud shouldn't have drank that drink and Zack shouldn't have let Sephiroth drive."

She laughs in a hiccuping sort of way and puts an arm around me, it makes me feel better. I'm not mad at her, maybe I'm mad at the world, but the last thing I want to do is hate Tifa.

We stay hugging for a few minutes then she gives me a pat on the arm and I release her. "We talked it over, your mom, Dad and I and you're not moving. We're going to clean out the storage room above the garage and Cloud can stay there. That way he has his own space and we don't have to do anything to the house." I start to interject, but she shakes her head. "Your mom's going to go full time at the diner anyway. Hopefully that will make up for having him in the house. I know this isn't going to be easy for you, I know that you feel like we're leaving you out. But both your mom and I need to do this, Den. It's important."

* * *

**Ooh, we're actually going somewhere with this chapter. Den is particularly hard because I've only got a two hour movie and a couple of stories to pull his personality off of. There's just not a whole lot of information on him that gives you glimpses into his character too. **

**Big thanks to my reviewers: Azuki-san, mom calling and ffangelwing. I love you guys.**

**Another big thanks to my Beta readers: Holy Wolf, BananaPeaceMonkeyKarmi, myousa and my mum. They are awesome ladies.**

**Anyway, hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Review and let me know what you think. Especially if you think I'm doing a bad job (it helps me get better as a writer).**

**Thanks**

**Palo**


	3. Bubble Gum Pop

Chapter 2

Bubble Gum Pop

Dawn of the Dead - Does it Offend You Yeah!

I step out of Papa's truck and take a deep breath of air. This early in the morning it's cold and fresh. Ah, Monday morning, nothing like it. You can almost smell the despair coming off the school.

"Alright baby," my papa says in his rough voice and gives me a half hug. "I gotta get to work. Tifa's givin' you a ride home after school so you stay here until she shows up."

I roll my eyes at him, but return the hug. "Don't worry Papa. I'll be a good girl and wait for Tifa."

He leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead before getting back in his truck and driving off. Most high schoolers would be embarrassed as hell to have their parents give them a hug and a kiss on the front steps of the school, but I'm not. Papa is Papa and nothing will ever change that. It's not worth being embarrassed about him.

I readjust my back pack on my shoulder and head for my locker. I'm sure there's plenty of weekend gossip to catch up on so the sooner I get to class the better.

"Hey Marlene." Pricilla waves at me as I walk down the hall. "Have you heard about Rin and Amber, they got caught making out at George Edward's party on Saturday? I didn't know they were lesbians." She leans forward and whispers the last word as if she's going to get into trouble just for saying it.

I laugh and wave a hand at her, "Oh please Priss, I've known about that for months. What's really interesting is that Kenta and Mary broke up last night."

"No," She looks suitably scandalized. "Why, I thought they got along great?"

I click my tongue and shake a finger in front of her face. "That's for me to know and you to find out. You know my rules."

"But I don't have anything new." She wails. "Rin and Amber were all I had."

"And I gave you Kenta and Mary," I scold. "You just didn't have enough. I have to get to class. I'll see you later."

She pouts, but I keep walking. See I'm a gossip broker- well, I call it research. Gossip can be such a buzz word. Whatever you want to call it, I collect it. I treasure it. Someday when I thirty or something I will write the ultimate teen high school series and be rich for the rest of my life. I've got it all planned out, merchandise, games, even a movie deal if I'm lucky.

When I get into class Denzel is already there, slumped in his chair and sulking. He's obviously pouting about something, but if I know him like I think I do then it's gonna be a while before he tells me. Well let's try to cheer him up, at least get a smile out of him before I have to pry for information.

"You know if I could patent your grumpy look I'd make a fortune." I smile at him and drop my backpack to the ground.

He groans and glances up at me. "How can you be so cheerful this early?"

"It's a talent," I say smugly taking a seat.

"Yeah, right." He mutters.

I tolerate him and start unpacking my books. I've known Den for like ever, my babysitter, Tifa was his next door neighbor. He was a bratty little kid that always followed his brothers around like a lost puppy. I couldn't stand him, but he was the only kid near my age in the neighborhood so we ended up playing together a lot. I put up with him but sometimes I wonder if we're actually friends. It's more like I know what he's been through and he knows what I've been through so we trust each other.

I'm organizing my notebook and pencils when the teacher walks in and the bell rings. Oh goody, English at eight o'clock in the morning, I am just thrilled. Plus our teacher really likes to lecture about the inner meaning of whatever it is we're reading. It's reeaally boring.

About ten minutes into class the teacher starts one of his rants. I sigh and push my notebook aside. I'm not going to understand any of this so I might as well use the time to pester Den. I dig in my backpack and pull out two cheap notebooks. The fist one has Denzel's name written on it in the absolutely brightest pink marker I could find. I even went out of my way to put curlicues and flowers around it. I slide that one towards him and grab the other one. He shoots me a glare and opens the notebook as fast as he can to avoid being seen with such a girly thing on the front. I just give him my sweetest smile, I did it to annoy him because he complained about having to do this.

He flips through it to the first blank page, about half-way through the book and I turn my attention to the other notebook. This one has the same style of writing on it along with the curlycues but it simply says ME. I flip it open and date the first blank page I come to, then write 1st period English and Denzel's name.

This is my little trick. Granted it only works if you're sitting next to someone and not behind or in front, but it's how you pass notes without actually passing anything.

- _What's wrong?_ I write on the first line and tip my notebook towards him a little bit.

- _It's been a long weekend. _ He writes in his notebook and moves it a little closer.

_- What happened? _

_ - I don't want to talk about it._

_ - You sure?_

_ - __Yes__._

I sigh and bite my eraser for a moment. _- When you do want to talk I'll listen..._

He taps his pencil on the desk agitatedly and doodles in the margins for a moment. That's a trick I learned from Tifa, tell someone you're willing to listen they're more likely to tell you. Plus, he should know I won't give up so easily. He ignores my attempt.

Then I notice that he hasn't done something very important. "Date and class." I hiss at him and a guilty look crosses his face. I know he doesn't really understand my thing with keeping records. He knows it's all research, but he thinks it's pretty worthless. Another glare prompts him to write down the requested information. It's important if I ever want to rebuild this conversation.

As soon as he's done writing he continues to ignore me. I let it sit for a few minutes but I've never been that patient.

_- Are you ready yet?_ I write and elbow him gently to get his attention.

He glares at me, but I can tell he's about to cave. _- Secret._

I roll my eyes and frown. Yeah, I broker information, but Den's life isn't for sale. He's my best friend and I won't tell anybody about his stuff no matter what they offer me. _- Yes, secret_

_ - Cloud's coming home._

I pause at that, OMG. I mean I know all about the screwed up state of his family. I was there for the whole thing and I was probably the only person he talked to about it. But if Cloud is coming home that takes all this stuff to a new level. _- Coming home, like getting out of the Institute?_

_ - Yeah._

_ - Isn't that a good thing?_

_ - Yeah. _

I frown at him. Good thing or not, it's bugging him. _- You don't seem happy about it._

_- It's complicated._ He responds sighing. _- He's not cured. He still freaks out if anyone touches him and on Saturday he had a Zack moment that was creepy beyond words._

_- Why are they letting him out then?_

_ - I don't know, maybe they're getting sick of him._

_ - That's not very nice Den._

_ -Sorry..._ That's all he can write. I guess I can understand, he has some pretty deep problems with what happened.

_- So he's coming back to live with you?_

_ - Yeah, we're converting the storage space above the garage into a room for him. I have to go through all the boxes of stuff that Mom wouldn't throw away._

Oh darn, those boxes are all stuff that belonged to Cloud and Zack. I helped him pack them up._ - Do you want help? I could probably talk Papa into letting me._ Then I remember that he's no longer eleven and might not want me to see him freaking out. _- Unless you want to be alone._

He thinks for a moment then shakes his head. _- Ask if you can come. Be warned though, painting is going to be involved._

_ - I'll ask. Don't worry too much. _

_ - I'll try. _He gives me a faint smile and closes his notebook and slides it back towards me.

If someone else did that it would be rude, but with Den I know he just want's time to think. It's okay, I should probably be taking notes on the class anyway.

Lunch finally rolls around and by that time I'm feeling almost as much despair as my fellow students. I still don't have a clue what's going on in English and Math just plain hurts. I am so glad that I have Art for second period. I don't think I could get through the day if the two hated subjects came in a row.

I sit at my usual table and start attacking an apple, I always eat fast because lunch is the best time for me to do business. By this time of day everyone has heard the basics and wants to either get the straight story or they want to add something extra to it. I'm usually the best person to tell because everyone knows that I get full stories every time.

Denzel finds me a few minutes later and plops into the opposite seat with a sigh. I grin and perk up. It always cheers me up to have him to harass. "How was geography?"

He rolls his eyes at me, geography is my special subject and I know he's regretting not taking it with me last year. "Spent the whole period talking about the politics of Wutai."

"Who's the royal family?" I quiz him really fast.

"The Kigai's?"

"Kisaragi's" I correct, "They have five major officials, who are they?"

He glares at me this time. "Three are ministers: Gorkii, Chekhov and Shake. The national warrior is Staniv, and the minister is Godo."

"Good," I grin at him nod my head encouragingly. "What's their major trade?"

"Mar," He groans, "I just did this for the last hour and a half. I am not reciting more for you."

"Oh all right. Have you heard anything good in the halls?"

He shrugs and prods the green beans on his tray with a fork. "Nothing you don't already know I'm sure."

"Maybe, maybe not. Try me."

There's a pause for a second, but he doesn't say no. "Lauren Baker just about made Rin Hikari cry in the middle of class. Adam Folk said that if he doesn't keep his grades up then the Coach is going to kick him off the basket ball team. Oh, and Nicos swears that he watched a porno over the weekend that had Ms. Hertzberg in it."

"Eww," I cringe at that last one. "Why do you boys have to be so disgusting?"

He laughs at me and shakes his head. "Hey, it wasn't me."

"Whatever, I know full well that you've got a stash under your bed."

"Marlene!" He hisses his cheeks turning cherry red.

"Oh come on," I wave the core of my apple at him. "It's not like I'm going to tell anyone, just don't pretend you're any different."

He glares at me and I smile, I know that blush won't leave his face for the rest of lunch. It might be harsh, but at least he's not sulking anymore. Den has a tendency to sulk a lot. Ever since the accident he's been pretty moody and bitter. I antagonize him because everybody else babies him. He doesn't need to be babied, he needs someone to remind him that there is a real world out here.

He may be mad now, but I know he won't stay that way long. Plus, he's not that mad or he would have already left the table. He pulls his black hoodie closer to his neck and shivers. "I've got something else."

"Ooh..." I grin. "What is it?"

He grimaces but I know he wants to tell me. "It's about Cloud."

Oh, not gossip, but if he wants to tell me then I'll listen. "Alright," I wave a hand and lean closer. "I won't tell anyone."

"Tifa told me this story last night. I guess she was at the party the night of the accident." I listen as he tells me the whole thing. Loz, the drink, Tifa getting them to take Cloud home.

"And she feels guilty?" I ask worriedly when he finishes.

He stares down at the table. "I don't know. I told her it wasn't her fault but that doesn't mean she listened."

I sigh and smile. "It's so romantic."

"Romantic?" He looks confused.

"Of course dummy. He saved her from that scumbag. That's romantic." It's just like a story and I know where that goes.

"Freaky you mean."

"No, romantic." I can't help myself. It's not like I didn't know about Cloud's crush. Even as kids it was obvious to both of us. "Do you think they'll start dating once he gets out?"

"Marlene," He rolls his eyes at me. "Cloud can't even function much less date someone."

"So?" I giggle, narrative rules don't let something like that stop them. "I can see it now. She'll help him heal and they'll be together forever."

Den scoffs and runs a hand through his sandy brown hair. I giggle again, I bet he doesn't realize that he picked up that particular movement from Zack. "Well I think it's cute," I tell him still smiling.

"The world doesn't work the same way as stories Mar." He glares and sits back.

"Hey Denzel," A voice sounds next to us and I look up to see Alice smiling at him shyly. I have to turn my face to hide a grin.

"Um, Uh, hey Alice." His blush intensifies and he almost trips over his own feet trying to stand up. I am trying so hard not to giggle, he has an enormous crush on Alice. She's a year younger than us and he swears, very pretty.

"So... how was your weekend?" Alice continues fidgeting with her lunch tray.

"Fine, just fine." He blurts out, staring at her. She waits expectantly for him to say something but he doesn't. Ask her to sit with us you idiot!

"Oh, well..." She looks away after the second has turned to several. "Have a nice lunch. I'll see you later."

I wait until he sits back down to kick him under the table.

"What?" He yelps and jumps.

"She was waiting for you to invite her to sit dummy."

He groans and puts his head in his hands. "I know, I know. She just makes me nervous."

I giggle at him. "You should just ask her out."

His face goes white at the prospect. "No way, she would never say yes."

Oh for the love of... Men, are they all this oblivious? I'm like ninety percent certain that she likes him.

"Hey Marlene, can I ask you a question?" A freshman girl sits down next to me with a shy smile.

Den digs out a book and immediately buries his nose in it. Darn, of all the times to be interrupted.

"Sure." I smile back at her, business is starting.

After school Tifa picks us up. We make a quick stop at my house to ask Papa if I can go help and to grab some painting clothes before going over to their place. It only takes one look at the storage room to make me wish I hadn't volunteered.

The whole place is dusty, full of spider webs and just plain icky. There are boxes stacked to the ceiling and most of them are covered in dust too.

Tifa claps her hands and rubs them together. "Alright, Mar you want to clean or carry boxes?"

"Hey,"Den objects, "Why don't I get a choice?"

Tifa laughs and ruffles his hair. "Because you're a boy and boys do the heavy lifting. It's a rule."

I giggle while he grumbles. "I'll help clean." Really neither option sounds good, but anything is better than going down the stairs outside with you're hands full.

"Alright then, lets get to work."

It takes Den about an hour and a half to get the boxes down to the garage. By that time Tifa and I are setting up the stuff to paint.

"Rude was about three pints in and more than a little tipsy so I was trying to delay getting him another drink." Tifa tells me one of her work stories while we unfold a drop cloth. "He gets impatient, which is saying something, I mean he's best friends with Reno. He thinks I'm taking too long and decides that the best way to get my attention is to start singing, which for Rude is just plain weird. I had just run to the back to grab some more glasses and when I got back it was to see him standing in his chair with one foot up on the table singing 'Ruby Tuesday' only he's replacing Tuesday with Tifa. Everyone in the bar is staring at him and laughing. About this time Reno decides that Rude can't have all the attention and gets up on the table to start swaying and singing along. So here I am, the only cocktail waitress in the bar and I have two grown men standing on a table singing 'goodbye ruby Tifa, who could hang a name on you, when you change with every new day, still I'm gonna miss you'." She actually sings the last part and I crack up. "Yeah, yeah laugh it up kiddo. I've never been more embarrassed in my life and then like half the bar joined in. Even my boss was singing."

I can't hold it in, I practically cackle at the image. "Drunks are funny."

She shrugs and starts to pry at the paint can. "Sometimes, but now every time I mess up my coworkers start singing it."

This time we both laugh and when Denzel comes back with a step ladder we're both doubled up. He stares at us for a second and frowns. "Right, and you think boys are weird."

I giggle and throw a paint brush at him. "That's because they are."

"She's right you know." Tifa grins and supports me. "Girls are perfectly normal."

He gives a disgusted sigh and we both laugh again.

"Alright guys," Tifa smiles and pours some paint into the roller tray. "Mar, you start blocking off the floorboards and windows with the tape. Den, you can take the roller and I'll do the touch ups."

"Why do I have to get the roller?" Den whines as I hand him the roller handle.

"Because you're the boy." TIfa and I say together.

He glares at us but dips his paint roller in the tray and stalks over to one wall. I grab a roll of tape and start blocking things off.

"So what's going on at school?" Tifa pours herself a small bowl of paint and starts filling in a corner of the room.

"Nothing much," Den shrugs. "I guess they're auditioning for the play."

"Are you going to audition?" I ask him incredulously. Den is way too shy to try something like that.

"God no," He laughs. "I might join the set builders though. Ms. Tilmitt was telling me that they're going to need a lot of painted scenery and she wants me to work on it."

"That's great." Tifa smiles for him. "It sounds like fun."

He shrugs modestly and shakes his head. "It's okay, I'm not sure I'm good enough."

I glare. Den is like the best artist I know. He's really good with just about everything our art teacher can throw at him. "Of course you're good enough, don't sell yourself short."

"She's right Den." Tifa smiles. "I would go to the play just to see your scenery."

He ducks his head and grumbles, but I can see him smiling. We're silent for a few minutes but i just can't stand silence so I fill it.

"I just can't wait for the spring dance." I sigh and tear off some more tape. "It's gonna be great, the theme is underwater."

"Ugh," Den rolls his eyes at me. "It's just a dance, everyone will stand around bored and it'll suck."

"Don't be like that," I fake pout at him. "It's a wonderful time for romance. You know, eyes across a crowded room, a sweet invite and then true love."

"Yuck!" he teases me back. "More like awkward talk and idiot's spiking the punch."

"Has anyone asked you Marlene?" Tifa interjects into our argument.

I sigh and pick at the tape. "Not yet but it's still a month away so there's always time."

She gives me a sweet smile. "I'm sure someone will. How about you Den, you asked anyone?"

He goes pink at the thought but shakes his head. "Naw, dunno who I'd ask."

"Well," Tifa grins slyly and I know something bad is going to follow. "You two could always go together."

"Yuck!"

"No way!"

Den and I object at the same time and we look at each other.

"Not in a million years." Den raises an eyebrow and cringes at me.

"Agreed," I nod. "That's just wrong."

Tifa laughs at us and shakes her head. "Alright fine, fine. I'm sorry I suggested it."

We relax slightly, just the idea of going out with Den makes my skin crawl and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. Best friends, no problem there, but we'll never be more than that. It would be like dating my brother: eeww.

"When I was in school all my friends would just go as a group." Tifa comments and goes back for more paint.

"Eh," Den shrugs. "There's no point in going unless you're trying to impress a girl."

I feel an evil grin spread across my mouth. He's just asking for it. "You could always ask Alice."

I swear he goes pink to his ears. Tifa catches my look and tries to suppress a smile. "Oh, who's Alice?"

"Just a girl," Den mutters his ears going from pink to red.

"That he has a crush on," I prompt and Den groans.

"Oh really?" Tifa's smile just gets wider. "What's she like?"

We both stare at Den fixedly. He's in for it now.

"She's nice," He mutters. "She's on the student council and she likes moogles."

"Sounds good." Tifa trades a grin with me and continues. "You should ask her."

Den keeps his mouth shut and stares at the wall ignoring us.

"I keep telling him that." I nudge him in the ribs and giggle. "But he's too chicken."

"Marlene..." He glares at me, but I don't pay him any attention.

"I mean she was even trying to talk to him today and he couldn't even respond." Something cold touches my arm and I jump as he rolls bright blue paint from shoulder to elbow.

"Denzel!" I shriek and throw my empty roll of tape at him.

"Well you should have shut up." He counters and threatens me with the roller again.

I jump to my feet and grab a wet paint brush. "If you weren't such a chicken then I wouldn't have to say it."

He lunges for me, but I jump back and paste one long blue line on his forearm. His hand comes back my way and my side is hit by the roller. I grin and dash inside his reach firmly planting the paintbrush on his cheek. He sputters, but grabs me around the neck with his free hand and rolls paint down my hair.

By now Tifa's rolling on the floor in laughter and we're both grinning. I struggle in his grasp and plant a kick on his shin. It doesn't do any good, he just laughs and rubs the roller on my head again.

"Enough," Tifa gasps and sits up. "That's enough. I have to take her back to Uncle Barret in one piece."

Den grins and lets me go. I reach up and touch the back of my head. It's sticky and my hand comes back blue. I glare and smack him on the shoulder, leaving a hand print. "Jerk."

He laughs and tries to wipe the paint off his cheek. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

"I am."

I snort. "Yeah right, you think it's funny."

He shrugs as if to say 'you're right' and dips his roller in the tray again before attacking the wall. I shake my head and find my tape again.

* * *

**Alright here's this chapter. So far so good.**

**This incarnation of Marlene is based on pretty much every female best friend I've ever had. I'm not sure if that's a good thing because a lot of them I can't stand anymore but I was trying to capture a high school girl, so oh well. Point is that a lot of what's going on with Den and Mar is actual experiences from my time in high school, (Including the Porno thing). So I'm hoping it comes out fairly accurate.**

**Obviously updates aren't going as well as I had hoped but they're still going. School started this week so once again I'm not sure when I'm going to have time to write. Updates might be pretty sporadic for a while. I hope they'll go better this semester than they have in the past, I'm in a class that wants me to do an hour of writing a day so that might help.**

**A big thanks to my betas, Holy Wolf, myousa, my mom and my weekly writers group. They are all really wonderful and encouraging.**

**Also a big thanks to my reviewers: mom calling, ffangelwing and vLuna. You're all awesome.**

**So anyway, now that we're far enough into the story for things to actually be happening please read and review. **

**Palo**


	4. Cold

Chapter 3

Cold

Just Like You Imagined - Nine Inch Nails

Cold , anger, sorrow. Dark chocolate eyes with a hit of red. A cocky confident grin that pulls people to it. Skin that crawls under my touch.

Brothers, friends, enemies, difficult to love, impossible to hate. One small and angry, the other a deep black pit. A voice calling, telling, known, but impossible.

Drugged green eyes that take pleasure in my pain. Pull them, kill them, make the grin stop.

Fingers clawing, clawing at myself, leaving blood filled runnels in their wake. Pain intense and stinging. Pain all over.

My eyes flip open and show the cold white ceiling tiles. My lungs suck in a harsh deep breath and my body convulses around itself. The fear and anger still sharp in my heart.

A few sobbing breaths escape then the darkness closes around me. In the other bed my roommate mumbles and turns but doesn't wake. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and try to slow my blood.

It's late, so late that it's almost early. No sign of the sun yet but it'll be out soon enough.

It takes at least one round for my heart to calm and my body to uncurl. The familiarity of the guards opening the door and running a flashlight over my roommate and myself doesn't even make me flinch. That gives me fifteen minutes before they come back.

I half roll, half fall of the bed and press my cheek against the freezing chill of the tile floor. It feels good but I need more. Need something, crave something that will make my body forget the aftermath of dreams.

I push my arms underneath me and start doing push ups. My eyes focus on the tiny square of light the window lets in. Two inches in front of me and greasy yellow from the street-lamp outside. It fills my vision blocking everything else out. I let it fill my mind as well, think of nothing but your breath. Keep an ear open and alert: if the guards find you, they'll use sedatives. Sedatives are bad. Hear the constant, steady stream of breath, listen for footsteps and doors.

The system works, like it has for the last year. When the door opens again I'm curled on my bed just like I was when they last checked. They never seem to notice that my back is covered in sweat or that my arms are shaking. I'm just another crazy. When the door closes I switch to squats and continue.

By the time dawn shows on the walls my heart is racing and my hair is damp. I feel slightly better. I've erased the dream, but everything else is still with me. Dr. Crescent taught me this. She started me in the workout room when I was downgraded from solitary confinement. She thought the endorphins would help me. They did, but not enough, never enough. After the first year they took away my workout room privileges. I had been using it everyday. Can't have the crazies getting stronger than the guards so they took it away from me. Patients aren't supposed to exercise without supervision, but I cheat.

That's when the system came into play. Only at night and only near the end of the guards' shifts. If they've had a quiet night they won't inspect me- much. I think Dr. Crescent knows I'm doing something, but she's never said anything about it. So I keep using the system, only when I wake up and don't want to think, but that happens most nights.

The wake up alarm sounds at seven and the nurses come by to drop off clean clothes. I change without objection. I don't get my turn in the showers until tomorrow but the clothes help. It's always the same, pale baby blue cotton drawstring pants and a matching pull on shirt. They give us slippers too but I don't wear them anymore. The cold floor keeps me awake, alert and that's what I need to be at all times.

The breakfast bell goes off at seven thirty. Those that get showers today file off with the male staff, those that don't get first crack at breakfast. We line up outside our rooms and wait for the nurses to lead us off. The first stop for everybody is the medicine counter. They hand you small cups of water and usually several pills. You can't get breakfast until you've shown the nurses an empty mouth. After that it's onto the cafeteria.

I collect my tray without even looking at what's on it and retreat to my usual corner. There's a place where the tables don't quite fill the room right next to the barred windows. About 4ft square that nobody has a right to be in but me. I eat standing up, the staff are used to it by now. There's too much chance of someone touching me at the tables. Too many legs and elbows, not enough room for me to be separate.

As soon as breakfast is mostly done, the head orderly makes announcements. "Good morning everyone. Sections A and B have group therapy today. A is in room one hundred and fourteen at nine am. B is in the same room at one. Don't make us come and get you. We've got a ping pong tournament in the common room starting at four. It's a nice sunny day outside, so those of you who want to go out sign up on the list next to the pharmacy window. It's still cold so you won't be allowed out without slippers and a jacket. Tonight there's cookies and music in the common room. Now get up and find out if you have any appointments today."

Part of my tension relaxes. I'm a D, so no group therapy and they're letting some of us outside. I stay in my corner until the room has half emptied and most of the people left are sitting down. My corner is safe from people, but if I leave it I'm vulnerable. Once there's a clear path I turn my tray in and head for the list. A good day is a day when I get to go outside, even in winter. It's been too cold for us to go out lately, but I need it. Need the cold and frost and fire.

I'm lucky when I see the list. Two names are on it and there's no one loitering. I quickly sign my name and room number.

"Is that the list to go outside?" A guy asks from behind me. I whip around with the pencil still in my hand. "Great, gimme the pencil so I can sign." He reaches to take it out of my hand. I fling the pencil at him and ram my spine into the wall.

"Don't touch me." It comes out as a growl. Not loud enough for anyone but him to hear, but one of the orderlies starts in my direction.

The guy narrows his eyes, but I don't stay to find out what happens next. My back edges along the wall then I turn and lurch away.

I beat a hasty retreat from the orderlies and other patients and return to my room. If I'm not there when they come to collect us for outside I may not get to go. It's happened once or twice and it is torture. My slippers are at the base of the bed and I make sure my jacket is draped over the end. Then I cross my legs and sit in the center of the bed to stare at the wall.

During the day they only do checks every half hour and two of them go by before someone collects me to go outside. I push my feet into the hated slippers and grab the jacket before the nurse has the door more than halfway open. We gather in the common room and then two guards and a nurse lead our shuffling line through the safety doors.

One of the guards today is Vincent. This is a good day. I like Vincent, at least as much as I like anybody here. He's cold and quick. He rarely says anything, even when he's bashing heads. I don't think we've ever spoken a word to each other. The only reason I know his name is because I've heard Dr. Crescent talk to him. But sometimes I can get away with things around him that no one else would tolerate so I like him.

Outside is actually a very small heavily fenced off area behind the institute. It's fifteen feet by thirty feet of grass bordered by sidewalk on all sides. There are no trees, no bushes, and even in summer no flowers. It's not much, but it's all I'll get.

The two guards peel off and station themselves at either end of the area, radios at the ready. The nurse herds us out onto the grass and starts playing a complicated version of patty-cake with one of the other patients. I weave my way around the other people with plenty of extra room and claim the only corner where you can't see the building behind us. There's nothing but flat fields in that direction and it's better that way.

After a few minutes of staring out I surreptitiously push off the slippers and let my feet touch the bare grass. There's still frost on it and it's a shock, but one I welcome. I want to strip off my shirt and lay on it but that will get me shoved back inside so I don't. The cold is good. It dulls everything. I wonder how long I'll get away with it, but minutes pass and the nurse doesn't do anything. I revel in the feeling and stand with my arms crossed and my feet on the ground staring out at the frost covered field.

I stand there for more than an hour before I hear footsteps crushing the frost behind me.

"Strife," Vincent says quietly, his voice is low and soft and barely carries to my ears. "Dr. Crescent wants to talk to you."

Damn, apparently I have an appointment today. I nod faintly and head back for the doors leaving my slippers sitting on the frosted grass. At least this way I'll have and excuse when she asks me why I'm barefoot again.

I'm escorted through safety doors by the other guard, then I make my way to the doctor's office.

"Cloud." Dr. Crescent nods at me when I open her door. "Have a seat."

I like Dr. Crescent. She's not falsely happy like the nurses and she's not a stone cold bastard like the other therapist, Dr. Hojo. She's cold, but it's a clinical cold. She doesn't take it easy on me, but she doesn't treat me like a thing either.

I take the chair across from her desk and stare at her.

"Barefoot again I see," she says drolly. "Where did you loose you're slippers this time?"

"Outside."

"Right. Well..." She opens a file glances at the paper then taps it on the desk. "How long have you been here Cloud?"

I stare at the bookshelf behind her for a minute then shrug. "You tell me."

"Four years and 67 days." Her hands drop the file. "That's a long time."

I shrug again. "It's nothing."

Her lips purse together and she taps her fingers lightly on the file. "When you first came here you were practically catatonic."

I don't respond.

"You spent a good year and a half in solitary confinement."

Silence.

She shakes her head and frowns at the papers again. "Cloud, you used to take my help, you used to like it here. Now you act like this place is a prison. Why?"

I curl my hands into fists on the arms of the chair and try to find an answer, but I know better than to lie to her. "Because... it is."

"You think of this as a prison?" One long sigh escapes her lips. "You've been making progress. Slowly, yes, but it's still progress. You seem to have developed a talent for obeying rules to get what you want and breaking them when you can get away with it."

I stifle a groan and keep staring at the bookshelf.

"Don't think that the little stunt with your slippers this morning went unnoticed. And I know all about your late night workouts."

I can feel my nails digging into the palms of my hands. I've been caught. That means she's probably going to start making me take sedatives before lights out every night.

"Do you acknowledge that Zack is dead?"

Her sudden change of subject throws me off and I blink repeatedly. "Yes."

"Do you understand that what happened was an accident and not your fault?"

"Yes."

She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes with the back of her hands before replacing them. "Well, it's against my better judgment, but we're releasing you."

Releasing me... they're releasing me?

"But not if you make yourself bleed in my office." She raises an eyebrow pointedly and looks at my hands.

I force them to relax and pat the arms of the chair a couple times. We trade blank looks then she continues.

"It's not a full release, you'll have to come back twice a week for sessions with me and you will be prescribed medication. We'll even be testing to make sure you take it." She picks up her file again and starts to organize the papers inside. "You'll also be under supervision. I've already talked to your mother and for now you'll be living with her, your brother and the Lockhearts. I understand that they've fixed a room for you above the garage. They've discussed it with me fully and have been, I must say, very accommodating to your needs."

I can feel my jaw dropping and quickly bring it back up. I don't think she noticed, but I never can tell with her.

"You may even, after a time and only if I okay it, get a part time job." She closes the file and taps it on her desk again. "I would have preferred to keep you here a little longer, but we're pressed for space and I believe you can do it. This won't be easy, not for you and not for your family. You'll have to work at it and make some concessions."

I blink at her again. I'm not really sure that I'm hearing her right. I'm leaving the institute. I'm going to live with Mom and Den again.

"I have faith in you." She gives me on of her cold little smiles, just a slight quirking up of one side of her mouth. "Your mother and Denzel will be here to pick you up tomorrow morning. I expect you to be up and ready at nine thirty for the paperwork. Now I have another session in five minutes and I need to get ready. You may go back outside if you would like, but please bring your slippers in this time."

I never thought she was getting ready to release me. Never thought I would be getting out of this place legally. I've had a few half-baked escape plans, but nothing that would have worked.

Dr. Crescent clears her throat and stares at me over the top of her glasses. Damn, she asked me to leave and I've just been sitting here staring at her.

I get to my feet and walk out of the door without a second glance at her. I'm getting out of here, I won't be a prisoner any longer. My feet make their way to the doors outside, the guards don't even try to stop me. They just bring me through the safety doors without a word and leave me on the other side.

"Congratulations." Vincent nods his head and comments in his quiet voice as I pass him on my way back to the corner.

I nod and keep walking. My slippers are still sitting where I left them but I don't put them on. Instead I throw off the jacket and sit down on the grass letting the melting frost soak through my pants. My fingers work their way deep into the frozen strands and I feel the cold seep into me. I'm leaving, I'm really leaving. A smile tugs at my lips and I stay there until my feet go numb and my fingers turn blue.

* * *

**Another one down. Not as long as I usually write but so worth it to me. I have to say even though I'm writing from different perspectives on this one, Cloud is still totally my favorite. I had so much fun writing this chapter that I'm having a hard time with the next one. **

**Anyway, my usual thanks to my special readers: mom calling, demon egg, ffangelwing and vLuna. I'm glad you guys liked (or at least tolerated) Marlene, and thanks so much for reassuring me that she's not some disturbing patchwork of hated traits. **

**Yeah, I think that's about it... I've run out of things to say. So please leave me reviews, sometimes they're better than chocolate (but not sex). **

**Palo (God I love writing crazy Cloud)**


	5. The Merits of Patience

Chapter 4

The Merits of Patience

Cross My Heart and Hope to Fly - The Courteeners

Cloud is coming home today.

I stand nervously in the middle of the room above the garage. I hope he likes it. My hands fidget, smoothing the blanket, deep blue and slightly fuzzy, on the bed again. I bought it just two days ago, I shouldn't have but I did anyway. Dr. Crescent said that we shouldn't get too fancy on the room, not yet at least. He's not used to having control over things. It should be simple until he's ready to change it himself.

I just couldn't resist. I already painted the walls blue, a few shades darker than his eyes...at least what I remember his eyes being. The bed is only a simple twin with a pillow and the blanket, in the middle is a large beat up stuffed tiger. We put a bookshelf next to the door and Den made sure to only put newer books on it. The bare concrete floor is mostly covered a large deep pile rug in black to block out some of the cold. Then there's just a desk and chair with some blank notebooks and pens. The stuffed tiger is the only thing in the room that he owned before the accident.

We still have most of Cloud's stuff from before, just like we have most of Zack's. Madeline won't get rid of it, but it's in boxes in the garage. Over the next week we'll give him the option of going through it but right now it's not included.

I squeeze his stuffed tiger and wonder if it should be in here. Until he was eight he wouldn't go anywhere without it. It was his favorite thing but I don't want the room to look childish. He may be getting out of a mental institution but he's still an adult now. I settle with placing it on top of the bookshelf. Not obvious but still there.

My hands drop to the spines of the books, straitening them to a perfect line. Oh god, I'm being obsessive compulsive. I've been up here checking and double checking since Madeline and Denzel left to go get him. I think I'm more nervous than they are.

I force my hands to stop touching everything and leave the room. There's only one door, it exits to an exterior set of stairs that face the back porch of the house. I follow the gravel path to the back door and enter the kitchen, my domain. I don't do much cooking anymore, but between my mom dying and everything the Strife's had to go through I cooked every meal for more than five years. Now that I work evenings and Madeline is capable, she cooks more than I do, but I still consider it my place.

I need something to keep myself occupied so I make myself a cup of tea and sit at the island. I haven't seen him in nearly three years... I used to go visit. Not with Den and his mom, they didn't need another person tagging along and we weren't as close to being a family then as we are now.

I would get out of school and drive over to the institute on Wednesdays. I wasn't really supposed to see him, he was still in solitary treatment and I wasn't family but Dr. Crescent allowed me to, provided there was a guard around. While he was still catatonic I sat in the room and told him what had been going on at school. When he started responding it was to tell me that he didn't care about school, or his friends, or anything. It hurt, all the things that were important to me he now hated. I tried not to let it effect me but it did. The third or fourth time he made me cry he just told me to not come back, so I never did.

It's been a long time since I've seen him. I went to visit because I felt guilty. I felt like I owed him. I never talked to the police about the drink but I'm convinced that's where the drugs came from. He wouldn't have done all of those poisons willingly. Maybe one or two, it was high school and his friends didn't have the best reputation but at a party like that Cloud wouldn't have done more than smoke pot. Not somewhere where the cops were likely to show up and there were so many people around.

I still remember Den calling me the next day from the hospital to tell me that Zack was dead and Cloud was in critical condition. It was wrong, wrong for it to happen, wrong for Den being the one to tell me, wrong because in so many ways it was my fault. If only I had known then I could have stopped it from happening. If anything that was more hurtful than what happened.

Realistically I was never that close to the brothers, I had always spent more time with Den than Cloud and Zack because of Marlene, but I had known them since I was two. We played some as small children, but I quickly became the girl, into the wrong things and too young to be cool. By the time I got into high school I had almost nothing in common with them. Zack had graduated and was playing baseball for the University and Cloud was a sophomore with his own group of friends. We were friendly, I could glom a ride to and from school if I needed one, but we weren't really friends.

I turn the cup in my hands staring at the reflections off the water. No I was never really that close to Cloud or Zack but I still feel guilty about what happened to them.

I hear the front door open and Den shouts. "Tifa, we're back."

I put the cup back on the table as fast as I can and grab a brown paper package before going out into the living room. Den meets me half way down the hall and shakes his head. "Kitchen, mom needs a moment."

I nod and follow him back. I want to see Cloud, more than anything else, but if Madeline needs a minute than I can give it to her. Mothers take precedence over friends that were never really friends. "How was it?"

Den shrugs and pours himself a cup of soda. "He won't be riding in cars anytime soon."

"What do you mean?"

"He sat up front with his eyes closed and nearly hyperventilated the whole way back."

I bite my lip. Well, I knew he wasn't going to be going out into public for a while so I guess a fear of cars won't affect us too much. It is after all completely rational. I can hear Madeline talking and occasionally very soft short murmuring that must be him while Den slugs half the soda in one go. "Is he okay?"

"It's hard to tell." He shifts his glass an frowns at it. "I think so."

Footsteps sound in the hall and we quickly silence ourselves.

"Come on, sweetheart." Madeline enters the room and beckons him through the door. "You remember Tifa don't you?"

I stare as he enters. Despite the fact that he's dressed in one of my dad's button up shirts and slacks he still seems to command my attention. He's different, the last time I saw him he'd been confined to a room for over a year and they had been shaving his hair. He's filled out, still slim but muscled with a stronger jaw line and darker eyes. His hair is still spiky, even more now, but shorter than it used to be.

"I remember," he murmurs and turns his face away from my gaze.

"Good," His mother brushes off the awkward moment and continues. "This is the kitchen, down the hall is the bathroom you're going to use. Now, I'm going to go get something and then we'll show you your room." I haven't seen her this happy in ages.

She bustles off and Den finishes his soda. Cloud turns on the spot and inspects the kitchen it in detail. I suppose he hasn't seen one in years, but he looks at it as if it's completely foreign and new to him.

My hands clench around the package for a moment, I guess now is as good a time as any.

"Um..." My dry throat interferes with my words but I push my way through. "I got you something." I shove the package out in front of me and half close my eyes.

He doesn't take it, in fact he stares at my hands like they're attacking him. Why won't he take it? It's for him. We stay like that, me holding out the slim wrapped package and he staring at it like a foreign creature until Denzel hisses at me. "Put it down Tifa."

Oh, right, I kick myself mentally for forgetting. He won't take anything from your hands. He'll only pick up things if you're not touching them.

I place the present on the island and take a couple steps back just to be safe. He watches for a moment then reaches out and lifts it up.

"I know you don't like touching people," I babble while turns it in his hands. "I mean, I didn't know, but I thought maybe if you had something in between you and them then it wouldn't be so bad. So I got these for you." Shut up girl, you're not helping anything.

After a moment he slowly unties the string and pulls the pair of dark brown gloves out of the paper. God, this was a stupid idea, it'll never work.

He turns them over in his hands, fingers gently brushing the fine leather. I hold my breath, he's going to hate them. Maybe the leather is too much like skin.

There's a long few seconds while he inspects the gloves, then he flips them over and shoves his hands in. They flex a couple of times, working the fingers into the tips and he stares at them.

"Thank you." The words are soft and quiet, but relief floods through my body. Maybe they won't help but at least I made the effort.

I turn away from him and start bustling around the kitchen. It's my normal comfort activity, as long as I'm moving I won't be bothered by my thoughts. I can still feel him staring at me, but I pretend not to notice.

His hands reach out in the gloves and stroke the counter. There's no expression on his face but Denzel warned me about this. Den says that with the exception of his freak outs he never shows any kind of emotion. Maybe he only shows blank, but while both Den and I pretend to ignore him he continues to lightly touch every inanimate object he can find. I can only hope that this is a good thing.

Madeline comes back and smiles cheerfully at him. "Here you go." She puts a ring with two keys and a plastic chocobo key chain on the island. "The brass one is the key to the house, silver is your room."

We all watch as he inspects the keys the same way he did the gloves. His hand lingers a moment on the chocobo. It's completely inappropriate for him, well mostly, there is the hair... but the idea of him with a cute little yellow bird on his key chain just doesn't fit.

I understand what she's doing though. We all have trinkets like it. Dad has a Tonberry, Madeline a Moogle, Den a Cactuar and I have a small black cat with a crown and cape. She got them for all of us as stocking stuffers last year because she kept walking off with our key rings. This is her way of including him in the household.

He continues to stare at the keys for a moment while we hold our breaths, but in the end he just lets them hang from one finger.

"Alright, well," she coughs for a second. "Let's go out back and we'll show you your room."

Den turns in thinly concealed frustration and barges out the back door. I follow at a slower pace and leave Madeline to coax Cloud out the door.

We gather next to the steps and let him go up first. He opens the door and takes a couple of steps in. I rush up to the door after him, I want to see his face. I want this to be something he reacts to. It's a long shot and I know it but I still hope.

When I pause in the doorway he glances at me but doesn't do anything else. Madeline and Den soon join me but even that doesn't get a response. He just stands in the middle of the room and stares.

I feel my heart sink to my ankles. He doesn't care, all the work we put into it and it probably doesn't matter. The first room he's had in years.

The silence stretches thin like it has so many times today. Madeline is gripping the door frame with white knuckles and Den keeps tapping his foot.

In a movement that surprises us all Cloud takes three very determined steps to the book shelf and grabs his stuffed tiger. I almost flinch as he brings it eye level and stares at it. I hope he doesn't hurt it. Madeline would have a heart attack if he does.

The tiger gets about 30 seconds of his attention before he puts it back on the shelf with a small pat. His eyes follow the line of books and he cocks his head to the side to read the titles. "Where's the Heinlein books?"

The question is like a breath of fresh air. We all relax in a rush, it may not have been what I was hoping for but at least it was something.

"They're downstairs," Madeline breathes out in a rush and elbows Den in the side. "Go get the Heinlein books, honey."

Den blinks for a second, "Uh, yeah. I'll get them."

"What about this one?" Den calls at me, holding up a bright yellow shirt.

We're at the local mall trying to buy clothes for Cloud. He and Madeline stayed back at the house, thank God. We all know it's going to be a while before he'll be able to go out in public, so it's just me and Den.

I have no idea what to buy him. Does he want nice stuff, jeans and T-shirts, maybe even just functional? I asked, but he just blinked at me so I didn't push it. At least I got him to take the belt off so I could measure it and find out what size he is. It's just that I'm stumped.

As a kid Cloud was a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. Oh, sometimes they were band shirts, but they were t-shirts all the same. We've still got most of them but there's no way they'll fit him now. They might fit Den but Cloud's filled out too much. I don't know what to get him.

I shake my head at Den and turn back to the rack. Nothing here seems right to me. I know, he's a boy so it's not like fashion matters much but I can't help myself. It just feels like he needs something specific.

I pick up pale blue button up shirt and finger the fabric thoughtfully. T-shirts don't seem right but neither do button ups. Same problem with slacks or jeans. Maybe... maybe some cargo pants. Those wouldn't be bad.

"Not that!" Den exclaims, interrupting my thoughts and pulls the button up out of my hand. "That's the same color as the Institute uniforms."

I blink and run a hand through my hair. "I just don't know what to get."

"It's not like he'll care." Den shrugs bitterly and tosses the shirt over the edge of a rack. "I don't see why we can't just Thrift it."

I sigh and roll my eyes at him. I started shopping at thrift stores several years ago and he ended up coming with me. Now the only thing we ever buy at an actual shop is shoes.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Den. You know how it's all hit and miss there."

"Come on Teef, these prices are outrageous and you don't like _anything_ here."

I have to agree with him. Sixty dollars for a pair of jeans is way beyond what I'm willing to pay. But this is unusual for Den, he hates shopping anywhere. "Nothing seems right.."

He rolls his eyes at me. "I don't know why you're so worried. It's not like he'll care."

I give him a sidelong look and shake my head. "I know, I just want it to be special."

Den frowns and glares at the floor. "Yeah, spoil him why don't you?"

"Den," I tilt my head and pull him in for a one armed hug. "I know this is hard on you, really I do. We're not trying to play favorites or anything."

He shrugs off my arm and shakes his head. "Yeah, I know."

There's silence for a moment while I try to find some words for him. I know Den feels neglected, or punished or something, but it's hard to balance what he sees us do for Cloud with what Cloud needs. "Den..."

He waves a hand and turns away from me. "Don't worry about it Tifa. I'll live."

I shake my own head and watch him wander through the aisles. It's true, we're doing much more for Cloud than we usually would but it's more because we have to. It's not like I wouldn't do this for Den if he was in the same position but that's not how he sees it. Maybe I can find the extra money to get him something special next week.

It takes another forty-five minutes before I find things that I'm willing to buy, then we head home. Our haul consists of two pairs of black cargo pants, five turtleneck thermals, Den's find, two grey, two blue, and one purple. The purple is my fault but hey, I think he'd look good in purple. This is accompanied by the necessities like underwear and socks, which I thankfully let Den find, a belt and a pair of brown leather heavy duty boots that I just hope to god fit.

When we get back Madeline and Cloud are still in the kitchen. She's bustling around cleaning up from their lunch and he's actually sitting in one corner. I try not to stare at him again. It's like he just fills the room. He is a presence I'm not used to but it's more than that. Like no matter where he is my attention is entirely on him.

"Oh good, you're back." Madeline smiles and pulls a plate out of the fridge. "I saved some sandwiches for you from lunch. Did you find anything good?"

Den drops his bags and dives for the food like any growing boy. I follow but take the time to put the bags on the island. "I don't know. It'll work for now at least."

"What did you get?" She asks moving around the island for a better look. Cloud just sits and stares at us, no reaction. I guess that's going to be the normal from now on.

"Clothes." Den mumbles through a full mouth.

His mother sends a mock glare at him. "Don't be cheeky, and don't talk with your mouth full."

Den grabs a quick swallow of soda and shakes his head smiling at her. I pull open the nearest bag and start taking things out of their packaging. "Pants and shirts mostly. Just enough for the time being."

"Well we can get more later if we need to. I'm going out to do grocery shopping. Cloud honey," Madeline smiles at him over her shoulder. "What do you want for dinner?" He doesn't answer, but that doesn't seem to stop her. "I could do stir fry... or a casserole, you used to love my zucchini and cheese."

"Blech," Den grimaces.

"Just because you don't like it doesn't mean some one else doesn't, young man."

"Come on Mom, it's February. Where are you going to get zucchini anyway?"

"I have my ways." She smiles and ruffles his hair. "Now then, what do you want for dinner Cloud?"

Silence falls among us and I glance up from the bags. He hasn't moved. Not an inch that I can tell, but he's staring. Staring at her and Den like they're from another world. Maybe this is going to be harder than we thought.

The seconds stretch into minutes with all three of us staring at Cloud the Madeline clears her throat. "Well, I'll just grab what looks good and we can figure out what to make when I get back."

She turns back to the counter and grabs a dish cloth to clean and Den quickly buries himself in yet another book. Cloud's eyes swing to me as if he's still trying to understand where we're all from and why it's so foreign to him. I duck away from his gaze and start packing the de-tagged clothes back into bags.

It's almost like we're embarrassed. Embarrassed about being caught trying to play happy family or acting normal. We were all warned that his transition, especially this first few days, would be hard, but I don't think any of us really understood.

I know Madeline is convinced that if she can just keep him here then everything will go back to the way it was. I have to admit that I had the same hope in some ways. If he was fine then I wouldn't have to feel so guilty. I don't know what illusions Den had, if any, but he's just as disappointed as we are.

"Tifa hon," Madeline pulls the oven door open and shoves her thermometer into the casserole. "Would you go ask Cloud if he wants to eat with us?"

I glance over my shoulder at her and raise an eyebrow. I wonder why she's asking me and not Den. Or more likely, going to see herself. She looks up at me and I nod in agreement. "Sure, let me finish the salad."

I turn back to the cutting board to ruthlessly half and slice a tomato. With a few exceptions we've left him alone since she went to the grocery store. I took the bags of clothes out to his room and that was the last I saw. It's hard, extremely hard, not to be hovering over him. Both Madeline and I keep thinking up excuses to go check on him. One of us will look up and wonder something about him out loud. 'I wonder what Cloud would like to drink, should I go ask?' Then Den gives a snort from behind his book and we both know we're being difficult. It hasn't stopped Madeline from going and checking on him almost every hour though. I've held myself back, but I have to keep reminding myself that mothers take precedence.

My hands automatically slice and dice, then I lift the board and slide the tomato into the salad bowl. Maybe she doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to hear his answer. Once I finish the salad and wash my hands I go to ask my question. Outside is almost biting cold, the sun went down almost an hour ago and it's already frosting. The door to Cloud's room is wide open.

My heart panics, why would it be open? I run up the stairs expecting to find him mysteriously disappeared. God, what is Madeline gonna do if he's gone, but he's there.

I clutch the door frame and stare mouth open while he stares back at me. He's sitting, barefoot and shirtless on the bare concrete floor. I notice with only half a thought that he's rolled the black rug up and propped it in one corner. In his lap is the purple shirt Den and I bought him, half a sleeve hanging off his knee. What is he doing?

His eyes rest on me for a long second then he goes back to the shirt in his lap. His still gloved hands pick up the the shirt and he picks at the seam that's already half undone. I can see what he's doing now. He's carefully and methodically breaking each and every stitch that holds the sleeve to the shirt. On the floor there are two piles around him, one of shirts and one of sleeves. Why is he ripping the sleeves out of his shirts?

"Cloud," I hesitate, he doesn't even look up. "What are you doing?"

His fingers break another stitch, there's a long moment of silence and I take in his almost blue skin, it's freezing in here. "Taking the sleeve out." He finally answers tersely.

I take a few steps into the room and suddenly stop. I was going to go to him, I was going to touch him. I can't do that and I know it. I retreat to the door and inspect him again. I think his lips are going blue too. "Why?" I finally ask.

His hands stop pulling on the fabric and he blinks a couple of times. He doesn't answer thins time, just stares at his hand as if even he doesn't know why.

I hold my breath waiting for an answer until it hurts then let it out in a rush. Alright, fine he's not going to answer, I can deal with that right? I glance around at the freezing room and search for anything else to say. "Why is your door open?"

He blinks again but then returns to the shirt. "Cold."

Well of course it's cold, the door is wide open in the middle of February. "Yes," I agree. "It is cold. It'll be warmer if you shut the door."

He shakes his head faintly, alright. Well so much for anything resembling a conversation. Just ignore the things you don't understand and get it over with, I tell myself. "Your mom was wondering if you would like to eat dinner with us."

He breaks the last stitch and throws the sleeve onto the floor. Then he stands up and pulls the shirt on. I blink, well at least I was right about the purple, it does look good on him. Then he turns away from me and grabs a book off the bookshelf and starts scanning the summary on the back.

I sigh, no answer again, but I don't want to go back down there and tell Madeline that he won't come. "Cloud," I say to get his attention. "I know this must be… different for you. It's a lot to take in." His eyes don't leave the back of the book but something in his face tells me that he's listening. "Your mom is trying really hard, having you here really means a lot to her. If you really don't want to come down then she'll live, we'll all live. But it would be really nice if you just came down and had dinner for her sake."

He turns the book over in his hands once or twice then puts it back on the shelf. "I'll come."

I sigh in relief, thank God that got through. I give him a hesitant smile. "Good, we'll be ready in about ten minutes then."

He nods and I thankfully go back down the stairs and into the house. I'm glad that's over with. I want to help him, but I don't know what to do with him. It's hard to help someone you don't really know anymore.

Back inside Madeline is obviously waiting for me. She twists her hands around themselves and looks at me questioningly. "Well?"

"He'll be down in a little bit." I smile and pretend that all the strange things I saw up there didn't happen.

She smiles and turns back to the oven humming. In the corner Den peers over his book and glares. I try to give him a reassuring smile, but it doesn't work. Instead he just glares for a second then ducks back into his reading.

I shake myself and start laying plates out on the dining room table, one at the end and further away for Cloud. I never thought that this was going to be easy but after today I'm starting to realize that it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. This has been one hell of a first day.

* * *

**I resurface again. What do you know, new chapter. Surprising isn't it.**

**Anyway school's out for the summer so I'm gonna try to get as much as possible done this time. We'll see how it goes but I'm hopeful.**

**The usual thanks to all my reviewers, Iskra revoir, ffanglewing, vLuna, and silverofahartless. You guys are wonderful. Plus a super amazing thanks to mom calling for sending me reviews that analyze my writing in ways I've never even thought of.**

**So here's to me hoping you guys like what I'm doing. See ya later and let me know what you think.**

**Palo**


	6. Intermission - The Hand of God Remix

Intermission I

The Hand of God: Remix

Juicebox - The Strokes

It was midnight, silent and dark. A country lane, unused for more than the occasional traffic, lay straight as a line between fields and forest. There was the rare rustle or squeak from nocturnal animals, but mostly there was silence. Even the noises of the city didn't reach this far.

Then a sound from far away started to build. Lights disrupted the darkness, sending small creatures scurrying away from the road. The rumble progressively got louder until it was a full-throated engine growl. A sleek silver four-door sped down the road, its loud rock music breaking the silence like glass.

"Man, this sucks," a black-haired passenger swore under his breath. "That party was too good to just leave."

The tall, pale driver spared his friend a glance. "You're the one who insisted we leave."

One shoulder shrugged as the passenger glanced his dark blue eyes over the body in the back. "Yeah, but look at him. He really needs to go home."

After a glimpse of the blond spiky hair through the rear view mirror, the driver scowled. "Just remember, this is your fault. You wanted to bring him."

"Hey, I thought he could hold his liquor."

Green eyes flashed at the passenger. "He can't. You obviously…"

"There's something out there," the kid in the back whispered interrupting the driver, his blurry eyes unable to focus even on the interior of the car. "It's outside…"

"Cloud, bro–" There was a sigh from the passenger's seat and the young man reached a hand back to pat the kid's knee. "There's nothing out there, you're imagining it."

An angry thump sounded off the wheel. "Christ, your brother is the biggest pain in the ass…"

His companion rolled his eyes. "Look, dude, I know you don't like him but he's just a kid. Cut him some slack."

"I was perfectly happy there, but nooo, you stupid brother had to go get fucked up and here we are."

"We can go back as soon as I get him home. Aerith is waiting for me." The passenger's wide mouth smirked. "She's keeping a bed warm."

"Oh God" –now it was the driver's turn to roll his eyes- "You two are like freaking rabbits. It's not even your house, or hers."

"Yeah, well, get two drinks in her and it's either find a bed or use the floor."

"Jesus." A smirk lifted the corner of the pale youth's mouth. "A little goody two-shoes like her?"

"Get her in the right mood and she's a wildcat." A shit-eating grin spread across the friend's face. "If I don't get back, I'll be in big trouble."

"Zack… Zack," the kid in the back groaned. "It's dark…"

"Of course it's fucking dark," the driver muttered and clenched his fists on the wheel until his knuckles went white. "Seriously, why didn't you just leave him with that chick? She could have taken care of him."

The black-haired passenger grinned, a lopsided, engaging smile that totally ignored his companion's annoyance. "I couldn't just leave her with him- besides, it'll be fine. We just need to drop him off at home. Then I can get back to Aerith."

"Fuck you, Zack."

"Hey! It's not my fault you can't get laid."

A glare shot in his direction. "For your information I was just about to."

"What?" The grin just got wider. "Seriously? Sweet. I'm rubbing off on you."

"I can get girls on my own ass," his friend snapped back, but he was smiling.

"Aww, big Sephy's finally growing up!" He reached out and looped an arm around the driver's neck, pulling him down and rubbing the top of his head with one fist.

The pale youth tried to pull away, but he was already below the dashboard. "Shit, man, I'm driving! Let…"

Suddenly, the car swerved sharply and burst through the fence along the side of the road, shattering the wooden fence posts and showering the car with debris.

"Holy Fuck!" The passenger pushed his friend away and grabbed for the steering wheel, but it was too late. "Hit the brakes!"

"I'm trying!" The other guy shouted back, but the car was already spinning into the woods. Branches tore through the windows, ripping at both their faces and someone shrieked, "Tree!"

The driver cranked the wheel hard, but it was too late. The back end of the car flipped into the air, flinging the passenger half out of the window, until it crashed down on him with bone-crushing force. But the car just kept going. Glass shattered, metal screeched. An old rusty fence post pierced the roof and rammed the kid straight through his upper chest.

Then everything slid to a halt. The driver blinked and tried to clear his blurry vision, but the darkness was quickly overwhelming him. The last thing he heard was stomach-wrenching screams coming from a long way away.

* * *

**Hey guys, I know this is short, but that's by design so you'll just have to live with it for a while. This chapter had to happen before I could move on with anything else so here it is.**

**My usual round of thanks to everybody who reviewed: mom calling** (yeah, Cloud's going to have a lot of work to do if he's gonna function, but so is Den and the rest of the "Family" so it should be interesting), **JukedSolid **(the reason Cloud has a stuffed tiger is purely from me growing up on Calvin and Hobbes, kid with blond spiky hair just equals tiger stuffed animal in my head, and yes he is complex, but it's not up to Tifa to solve him, she can help but in the end he has to do it for himself.), **Aeralyse **(Sorry this was so long in updating, school is not conducive to writing and I was stuck on this chapter for a bitch ass long time, hope you keep reading), **Nuingarian **(I can see why you introduce internal fluff while you're reading, I do it to, but it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than a little cut to let Cloud get over his fear. There is no quick fix for this kind of thing. Oh and my mom doesn't call me about my writing, although we do talk about it since she writes too, mom calling is a reviewer here), **SingleStone **(I'm glad you like my story and hope the long update time hasn't discouraged you from reading more), **and sdphantom10 **(I hope you'll keep reading).

**Finally one huge shout out to demonegg, who proofed this chapter, she's absolutely fantastic and this story would not be functioning without her. Plus if you get a chance she's got some pretty awesome stories of her own. I seriously needed the help and she delivered, so demonegg thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are fucking amazing!**

**Remember reviews are awesome and make me feel loved, so let me know what you guys think.**

**Palo**


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